mycie.'s perzine

I got in touch with an old childhood friend recently, and she's about to have a baby. I got invited to her baby shower!!

I can't believe I'm almost 26. The baby shower, and a couple other things this week, have really put my age in perspective. I'm... not a kid anymore. Like, really at all. I'm old enough that the way I remember the internet is not how kids who are alive now remember the internet. All my peers are having kids, or getting married, or settling down.

On my end, I feel like I'm on the verge of similar. I had to withdraw from college this semester because I filled out the FAFSA for next year, but my partner has a full-time job now that she enjoys very much, and she just got her HRT so she's about to become the woman she's always dreamt of becoming; my zine stuff is going better than I'd hoped for; and my roommate is chugging along with his sewing job. He and I drove around today looking at houses.

It's crazy to think that so much has changed in the span of just a few years. I feel like an adult, and I feel like I'm at a point where it makes sense to feel like an adult. I'm really excited about the future, and, especially after going to the baby shower today, I honestly really want a kid of my own sometime in the near-ish future. Which feels... odd. Unexpected.

Anyway. It's late now. I should head to bed.

It's been a good day. :)

I had a dream about Rabbit last night. I miss that little shit so much. I asked his new owner about how he's doing, and she's loving him. Her other cats are loving him, too. She joked about how he eats so much, and, yeah, little mans eats sooo much! Gods above, I miss that cat...

I'm super overwhelmed with school. I found out last night that I got put on some kind of payment plan for it, and I have to have $450ish paid by the TENTH?????

On top of that, I keep trying to open my math class and just not being able to focus on the videos at all. I'm scared I'm going to fail.

I've got until next Friday to withdraw... Maybe I should...? I don't know...

Nex deserved better than what he got.

I have to be a lawyer.

Just... I wish I could find more rest. Even this, now, like... it's fun, but I don't know if it's specifically restful or just me procrastinating. I've got until tomorrow to have my math stuff turned in. I'm so scared I'm going to fail, or just get kicked out because I can't pay for my classes... And FAFSA is being all kinds of stupid.

I need to call the bursar on Monday. Someone write in my CBox and tell me to call the burser, please? XD

I think that I did everything correctly now, and I think that, if all went like I hoped, this should look, like, really good. Let's go find out though!

1:06pm

YESSSSSSS. It's working!!! Ugh, I'm so enormously glad it's working now!!

That means that now I can actually start using this like a blog! I can't wait to talk about what's going on in my life, collect little junk from around, and share my life with the worldwide web! (I love referring to it like that right now, it feels so 2000)

This whole process has reminded me of childhood. I was too young to be into Geocities, but it reminds me so much of when I would play on the Horseland website as a kid. Back then, it was basically just a forum, like MySpace but for kids to trade horses with each other. It was so fun!! Some of the horse pages were really decked out, and some of them were traumatizing depictions of slaughterhouses. So much fun!!!

It's been so nice to return to a childlike feeling of coding, especially right now. I started college on Wednesday, and it's been... mostly fine, honestly, but I'm so in my head about it. I keep having thoughts like:

• "What if I'm not cut out for college?"
• "What if I fail?"
• "What if I can't pay tuition and FAFSA doesn't go through?"
• "What if I can't balance school and work and family?"
• "What if I'm not good enough?"

But I have the wherewithal to understand that this is just OCD talking. I know that I'm a badass, that I can do this.

I AM GOING TO BE A LAWYER! MY ZINES ARE GOOD AND PEOPLE WILL LIKE THEM! MY FAMILY KNOWS I LOVE THEM!